What I Learned About Project Management By Planning My Wedding: Part 3
Photo by Mick Haupt via Unsplash
Lesson #3: Ask for help. Use it.
When I first started out in project management, I thought the entire project was up to me alone. Given that the very first project of my career was to roll out an operating room computer system across 11 or so hospitals in Southern California, I am happy to report that I definitely did not do that project on my own. I imagine at least a person or two from that project is reading this blog post right now, and I hope they are having a good chuckle at what my 22-year-old self thought was inevitable…
While it’s easy to laugh about that idea now with 18 years of experience under my belt, I find that many, many brides seem to think that their whole wedding is up to them to plan. I certainly identify with that sentiment- my wedding is something I have dreamed about since I was a little girl, and I absolutely want to pour my heart and soul into the day and have it be amazing. But, in running this particular project, I have found that I really cannot do it alone. Moreover, on the days I try to do it alone, I usually wind up feeling cranky, resentful, and upset. The truth is, I can’t pull this off on my own. And even if I could, I don’t want to.
The first time I asked for help with my wedding was in July, when I was knee-deep in website builders, dress designers, catering options and venue pages. My fiance looked at me across the coffee shop table, and I think he knew before I did that there was a problem brewing. He actually asked me if there was anything he could do to help, and I opened my mouth and poured out everything I had been thinking about, looking at, and agonizing over. He was stunned, but also helped me see right away that I was trying to do way too much at once (check out Lesson #1 in this series if you want more on this topic). Because of that conversation, we wound up putting a huge pin in wedding planning for a couple months, so I could maintain enough sanity to make it through our kitchen renovation. That was probably the biggest help I could’ve gotten at the time, and it was awesome.
By the time we got around to planning again, I realized that I wanted to enlist a true professional, so I called up a dear old friend of mine, Daniel Holtz, who in the time between high school and now has developed into one of the premier wedding planners in the Twin Cities. I cannot say enough nice things about Daniel’s calming presence, and his ability to light just enough of a fire under us to ensure we actually got things done on-time. It was he who helped me architect a plan for booking all of our vendors (see Lesson #2). He is a consummate wedding professional, and was able to help me figure out exactly what I needed to do and when, and he could also calm some of my fears about things that could/would go wrong. Having someone with an inside perspective has been incredibly helpful, especially as we’ve sorted through quotes and pricing for all of our different vendors.
I also asked for and got a TON of help from my bridesmaids and Maid of Honor. My MOH especially has been amazing- she’s planned not one, but two bachelorette parties, coordinated dress planning with all the bridesmaids, and even helped me book someone to do my hair and makeup on the big day. Turns out she loves planning weddings, and I love letting her help me plan mine. My bridesmaids have also been incredible- one of them just hosted an amazing bridal shower for me, another made the jewelry I’m going to wear on my wedding day, and another has basically been on my on-call support person. I am so grateful to have these women in my bridal party, and I have done my darnedest to accept all of the help they want to offer.
Finally, my family has been a big help as well. My mom is coordinating all of the details for our rehearsal dinner, and a welcome reception for out-of-town guests afterwards, and she came on a visit to help me dress shop early on. She’s really excited to be involved, and I’m glad that it’s given us a chance to connect more regularly and feel closer in the lead-up to the wedding. Two of my aunts and a cousin are also planning a Minnesota bridal shower, and have made offers to help with anything I need on my wedding day.
The thing I didn’t expect was that it actually feels really good to accept help. I’ve historically feared that I would be a burden, or that no one would want to help me out, but it turns out that those beliefs were mistaken. I didn’t anticipate how much other people would enjoy helping me plan this big day - and it feels good to share the joy and anticipation that I’m feeling with others. I’m hoping that other brides reading this will have the same realization that I’ve had, and lean in to the joy of asking for and receiving help.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
Have you planned a wedding, or other big event? Did you get help? Did you enjoy the process of receiving help? Drop me a comment with your thoughts!